Adoption is a good and rewarding way to form a family, but it is also complex. The triangular nature of adoption – including the adopted person, adoptive parents, and birth parents – adds dimensions that require extra care and learning. While adoption makes many families and children happy, it is also healthy to remember that each adoption begins with a loss and sorrow. Mother's Choice believes in bringing adoption out of the shadows of...
Adoption is a good and rewarding way to form a family, but it is also complex. The triangular nature of adoption – including the adopted person, adoptive parents, and birth parents – adds dimensions that require extra care and learning. While adoption makes many families and children happy, it is also healthy to remember that each adoption begins with a loss and sorrow. Mother's Choice believes in bringing adoption out of the shadows of secrecy and shame and harmful myths. We can best support all the members of the adoption triangle when we acknowledge, honestly and openly, the losses and roles of each person.
Sharing from Matthew, a 9-year-old adoptee
21st November, 2008
My first media interview
When I was two months old, my adoptive parents brought me home. That’s why Mother’s Choice invited my mother and me for a media interview.
When I arrived at Mother’s Choice, I felt both happy and nervous. I worried about how I should answer the questions from reporters. Fortunately, a member of staff acted as a reporter to interview me, so that I could practice how to respond. When all the reporters came and started asking me questions, I could easily complete my task.
After my interview, the reporters went over to my mom and asked her questions so I took the time to go upstairs with a big sister to see the babies. They were so cute while sleeping soundly. The big sister said, “The adoptive parents of the babies cannot bring them home right away, they have to wait for one week to get familiar with their babies.”
Through the interview, I understood that although I am not my parent’s biological child, they love me very much and take care of me diligently. Therefore I am not unhappy anymore!
Comment from the teacher: Seeing your positive attitude towards this matter, I feel grateful and touched. With such maturity and consideration, I know that you are a grown up boy now.
Some thoughts after reading my son’s essay
When my son was invited for an interview with Mother’s Choice, I was really worried. I worried about whether my boy could handle the challenge, if there would be any unanticipated negative impact and any consequence I might not be able to deal with…But I knew it was also a good opportunity for him to contribute for adoption!
I could not believe the interview actually brought us so many positive influences! From my son’s essay, I noted that he could accept himself better for who he is. He was excited to share the experience of being interviewed with others. And I could feel his excitement between the lines. When I saw his beautiful face, while he was sleeping soundly, I remembered the past at Mother’s Choice. I could see love in his heart, and “the unhappiness” lifted. My husband and I are proud to have Matthew as our adopted son!
Sharing from a birth mother
“In those few days in the hospital, I hoped that the doctor would let me keep you by my side, so I could have taken good care of you. Although all I could do for you is change your diapers, feed you and burp you, the more time I spent with you, the more difficult I felt to leave you. I feared that if I let go, you will have no more ties with me forever. Although I understood that what I had been doing in the hospital would make it more difficult for me to leave you, I still insisted on taking good care of you, doing my very best. I had to seize every minute and every second to be with you…
Besides the love of a mother, what else could I give you? I could not even provide you with a home! We can never take things for granted. Be obedient to your adoptive parents and love them with all your heart. I hope that, Hei Hei, you will understand your mother’s feelings one day, understand that your mother had no choice but to place you for adoption. Even if you do not forgive me, please don’t hate me. You are the baby I bore for ten months; you are the baby I painfully gave birth to; it is a beautiful memory!”